she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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