I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
