Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
