I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
