White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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