Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
