I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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