you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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