sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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