literally had 100 drinks last night.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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