Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
