In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
