I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
