I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
