i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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