How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
