youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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