FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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