with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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