Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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