my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
