My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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