i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
