btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
