Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
