I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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