guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
