Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
