its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
