He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
