I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
