I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Randomize
