I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
