What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
