you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Randomize
