You're my little dorito
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
