Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
