i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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