I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
