You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
