I smell stomach acid.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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