yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
