Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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