Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
