and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
