I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
