CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
