He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
