I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
