new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
