my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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