It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
