im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
