I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
