I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
