you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
