I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
