Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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