Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
