It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
