Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
